To Resolute or not to Resolute

New Years Resolutions tend to be silly...we think about them for a week and then forget about them. Are we lazy? Do we not really think them through? I don't think I have ever met a person who fulfilled their resolution. What does resolution even mean?

Dictionary.com says:

1.	a formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group.

2.	a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

3.	the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.

4.	the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.

I choose #3. I have no resolve, voting has not taken place, but I will determine a course of action. My course of action is to find joy, contentment, peace and relaxation. I am a high strung sad confused me. I make other around me miserable and for years every time I have sat down to write in my journal...I say the same thing. Happiness is circumstantial, but joy is in the soul and my soul lacks that. I think I know lots of things and feel lots of things, but they never really get up to my head so that I believe them. I find myself angry and resentful, judgmental, and sad. God says He is the answer to all of these things and I am setting out to find that. Maybe a modern day pilgrim's progress...we all are really. How would that manifest itself in every day? Bible thumper I am not.
So #3 says to determine a course of action. That course of action begins with some goals.
I could do all of the typical exercise, eat healthy, save money, pay debt and the funny thing is I started with all of those as resolutions. Forget all of those...I need to find joy and we all know that exercising does not necessarily bring joy...it may down the road, we will just have to wait and see. Right now goals are:
Read a book a month...personal enrichment.
Have a continual creative outlet...painting or paper crafts?
Get rid of the TV unless intentionally watching a movie.
Spend fun time with my kids-no other expectations or plans.
Journal my thoughts
Counseling might be in there somewhere and I think I want to buy some new clothes and wear some makeup. I sure feel better when I put myself together. Do I really feel better though? Or do I just feel like I am not as judged by others? Do I feel better for me or because I might fit into our culture a little more? Let's explore that one.
First book: The power of a praying woman by stormie omartian...what a name!
Creative outlet: Wedding album.
See you tomorrow!
Let's head over to Kohls and see if any good sales and I think I might get a massage or get my nails done...maybe a facial. Ahhh!
Thanks for the ears oh black hole of the internet.

New Year-

I, as all others, am about to embark on a new year. These writings are disappearing into the abyss of the internet, but somehow I feel better writing them this way instead of opening a word document. It is almost as if quite possibly I could be heard by someone somewhere. We all wish to be heard even if it is by one person, but I don't really want to be understood because I don't understand. I want to understand, and to be honest I am not exactly sure what that means. A mother of three, wife of one, church goer, and I like to think of myself as creative. This is 2008.